The bike I never built

In order to raise money for living and art, I recently decided to sell my bike parts horde. The pieces basically amount to an entire bike, though I would’ve had to invest a bit more money (and a lot of time) to get it operational, which also would’ve been towards the end of selling. I have neither the money or time to finish this project right now, which is a bummer. However, I decided to have a bit of fun with the parts in the process of selling them on Richmond’s bike parts classified page. Below is the writing accompanying the posting- the bike I never built.

For sale today is a lot of artifacts not so recently excavated, but newly on the market. The Museum of Curious Objects Unearthed From Local Basements (MCOUFLB) came upon this selection of mostly metal objects over the past several months and was hoping to assemble them into a display that would delight and inform our visitors. However, challenges in funding and time has prevented the museum from assembling this display and unfortunately must begin liquidating our collection in order to remain solvent. One so inclined may be able to complete this display with the available artifacts, and it is the museum’s hope that at low prices these artifacts might find an appreciative home.

Chariot– $20
This early war chariot has ornamentation still visible. It seems to have been heavily and set aside after being picked of most of its functional parts.


Sun-shade frame- $15
This artifact appears to have functioned as a detachable hat or perhaps attached to a pole. The cloth that adorned the metal fibres has since rotted, but was potentially was used for shade.


Aqueduct gate– $10
Similar to the sun shade frame, it is thought that this was used in conjunction with some fabric that has since rotted. It is thought that this apparatus was used with a waxed fabric to retain water due to light rusting on retaining metal.


Child’s sun shade: $15
Similar to sun shade, but smaller. Apprx. 26″ in diameter


Raw material: $10
One of the museum’s best preserved items in surprisingly good shape for being an apparently organic and pliable material. These were used as a weaving material.


War Club: $3
Blunt object for striking, no ornamentation or beauty- a despicable thing.


Late-civilization mauling instrument: $10
A more advanced war device, the two pieces were intended as a handle and small shield protecting the non weapon holding hand. Three teethed discs in ascending sizes maximized offensive capabilities.


Pleasure object: $5
Well used


Children’s toys: $10
With a several materials and a varying sheen, these objects were meant to entertain and dazzle children. These objects are mirrored and are thought to have been intended for twins or siblings- a rare complete set.


Pastry cutter: $10
Ribbed cutter with circular movement attachment, used for pies and other baked goods.


Divining rod with ornamentation$20
Used to drive out and call in spirits. Mystical attachments can be removed for purchase separately.


???: $5
Our anthropologists are baffled


Primitive dental clamp: $10
Rudimentary implement for setting teeth. Rare organic material still intact which made contact with the enamel.


Climbing hooks: $15
Actuating metal was a late advancement necessary for the civilization advancing to a high cliff dwelling culture. Excellent condition.


Ornamental war weapon: $5
Although parts of this mauling instrument could be repurposed for functional purposes, the overall base of this implement was far too brittle even in its original state to possibly be used for anything other than a ceremonial or ornamental purpose.


Finger clamp: $5
Evidence is mixed as to whether or not this was a torture implement or a major fashion staple.


Metal cable with housing: $3
Our excavators were puzzled over this find and suspect tampering with the dig site.


Early 2nd era war instrument: $10
Although this is similar in form to another mauling instrument found, this instrument which is more compact in size and lighter in weight is most likely the product of a more advanced stage of civilization.


Abstract sculpture: $3
Poor taste and cheap materials means it is likely that this was a very low form of art.


Tiny lawnmower: $7
In the 2nd era the civilization had advanced dramatically in their domestic spaces. There is evidence that many wealthy and some moderately well to do citizenry kept small window gardens with a low, handsome grass. This implement was likely used for edging and trimming this grass.


Cursed thing: $3
A loathsome object


Transportation component: $4
Although its function and origin isn’t entirely clear, it is thought that this object formed a component of a chain or belt driven mode of transport.


Ornamental fixture: $7
The frequency with which these were found suggest that it was a common ornament for homes or businesses.


Walking stick: $4
As suggested by its form, this is a walking stick.


Hat: $6
An ugly hat


Bicycle pedals: $2
Very simple and cheap bicycle pedals.



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